Thank God For.....

Good friends, Gary Allen, and Lee Ann Womack. My great friend Gretchen has been a great help the last couple months. And I have been listening to a lot of Gary Allen and Lee Ann Womack to get me through the rough patches. Reba McEntire has plenty of strong female songs too. Its funny how I look for the silver lining in everything these days or I'm trying to see it. I have let myself become very negative in the last month or so. And that really is not me at all. So I have decided to take one little step back towards being me again and be a positive person again. Next I need to get off my butt, get online and find a job and house in TN.

Feeling Safe

Strange title I know but I think it is safe to stated that nobody reads this blog. I have tried googling it and it just doesnt come up so I feel safe to write my feelings out in here. I think it is healthy to get everything out. I talk to my good friends and to my family but I dont feel like I can tell them everything. Maybe I have trust issues because I have no reason not to get it all out to them but I dont. Rambling on again :). I am sort of a private person also so maybe that is part of it. I have been trying so hard to keep a strong appearance but its not easy. I have accepted this divorce is going on and that I will be back on my own again real soon. I know it is for the best too. I lost parts of me that I miss. I have no one to blame but myself for that either. I could sit here writing a bunch of crap about how my ex forced me to change only I would know it was nothing but crap. I changed myself to please him not because he asked but because I felt I needed to so I could stay married. I screwed up badly the first year we were married and felt I need to make up for it everyday to him. I did not cheat on him EVER. But what I did was wrong just the same. I guess one of my big mistakes was thinking he could ever move forward in our marriage after that. We were happy for quite a while but there were always doubts in the back of his mind. I also had my doubts about him kind of lingering too. I'm not going to write down what he did to cause my doubts since I wont write everything I did either. Just know that he did things that hurt me deeply too. I swallowed my pride and said he forgave me so I will forgive him. I tried my hardest to let go of the hurt and I'm sure he tried too. I will say I dont believe he ever cheated on me either while we were married. I guess one of the hardest parts to get over of all this is him saying he hasnt loved me in years. He was home with me at Christmas 2009 and didnt show any signs of not being in love with me. He practically slept on top of me cuddled so close. He said sweet things. And its not just Christmas , since we moved to Georgia we had a lot of heart to heart talks and I was pretty sure we had a strong marriage. Then he says, in a email no less, that he doesnt trust me. So I spent 5 years taking care of the whole house while he was deployed but he doesnt trust me. Anyways sorry little bit of bitterness coming out. I just feel like he is no longer the man I married. He has become a hypocrite and one of the most self centered people. I guess this is where I need to get some of the anger out. I took care of him, Austin, the dogs and everything while he was deployed without fail. While going to college and trying to make it through nursing school which was not easy. I stopped doing things outside the house a lot because we were trying to live on a budget. I blamed myself for being selfish and not getting a job and wanting to go to school full time. He was very supportive of it though and said we would get back on our feet. Then when I was making RN pay he could be a house husband lol. Even when he was home from deployments I still took care of a lot so he could bike ride. I'm not an angel and I did get mad when he spent a lot of time bike riding but I'm sure any woman would. I even took care of him while he was bike riding during the endurance race. And there were times when I would take my books with me to study while he was out riding a lap. I'm not trying to play the victim here but it just doesnt seem like he didnt trust me. Well I guess I have rambled to myself and I should have spent this time looking for a house in TN online.

We have it figured out.

Well it's official .... Austin and I are moving to TN. Austin is seriously sick of the snow. And we both liked living down south after a while. Its still close enough to my family that I can visit but far enough that I have my space. Please don't get me wrong, I love my family but I think it is time that I have space to grow. I changed things about my self to suit my soon to be ex and I now need space to get back to being me again. So now its time to get down to the tasks of finding a job and house there. I'm hoping it will go as good as finding my current job. I will miss the people I work with and the residents.But it is time for my to finish up school.

Hmmmm....

I'm running away to Nashville to become a Midwife lol. Most people move there to become a singer but I like my plan better. Technically its not really running away if I move all my stuff and take my son though, right? I was looking at a midwife program in Colorado but then someone told me about the one in Tennessee so I now I need to decide. I know it sounds like I have decided already but really I'm weighing my choices. Austin is in favor of Tennessee becuase it doesn't snow as much there. He really is sick of snow already. Funny since he was born in Michigan during a blizzard. I guess I need to make up my mind soon since I plan on moving in July. I'll keep you updated.

Stranger things have happened...

Well its been a long, busy and strange year. I passed my state boards and became a LPN. Then I moved back to Michigan and started working full time again. Life couldn't get better huh? Oops Then January of this year the bottom dropped out sort of. My husband filed for divorce out of the blue. So come April 1st, I will be single again. At first I saw it as a bad thing but then I saw that he was right. I deserved better than I was getting treated in our marriage. I'm not going to lie and say I was the perfect wife but I wasn't evil reincarnated either. I made huge mistakes the first year we were married. I tried to make up for them but I guess I couldn't. I spent a lot of time taking care of him first and me second but in the end it really didn't help. So now I realize that I need to take care of myself. I need to spend time remembering who Lissa is instead of thinking being Mrs is the most important thing. I've always know that I have been wanted to be a nurse, so now I am going to focus meeting my career goals. Also I am trying to make sure that my son is happy and getting his ducks in a row too. And hopefully the next time I fall in love, it will be with someone who will give me the same unconditional love I gave my almost ex husband. Its been a long strange year but its going to get better.

State Boards Here I Come !!

Well I finally got my approval today to take the State Boards today. I am excited ! I can't wait to take the boards and be a nurse. I am thinking positive and gonna study hard so I pass the first time. I know Gretchen, Heather, and Lemeka are going to pass the first time also.

OMG

Well 2 more weeks and I'll be done with my LPN classes. Okay I know I have been slacking on blog again but this quarter has been even more hectic than the others. Today was our Pinning Ceremony. It turned out very well for all the disagreements that went on for the last month. We all looked very professional in our whites. I was very proud and pleased to see my husband up there in his class A's leading the pledge of allegiance for our class. Thank you honey :) . He was so handsome looking all dressed up. My mom took a picture of us us together with both of us all dressed up so I will have to get her to email it to me so I can post it. So 2 more weeks and then the NCLEX test woo hoo then I will be a nurse ( I'm thinking positive that I will pass the boards the first time:) . )

Fifth Quarter Here I Come....

Well I start back to school tomorrow. Three months to go until I can take the State Boards! Wow it seems like I just started and now I am almost done with this part of my nursing plan. I'm glad that our little group has stayed together. We lost over half our class coming out of nursing fundmentals and that was rough. I have made some great friends and met some great nurse in the making. Not to sound like a commerical but I would highly recommend CGTG to anyone who wants a good education.

Busy Busy

I am horrible at blogging! I have been really busy with school and just to darn lazy to post on a regular schedule. And this is going to be another busy quarter. I am currently starting 4th quarter. It sounds like I will learn a lot this quarter(not that I have in the other quarters). On top of taking the second part of Med/Surg I am also taking Nursing Leadership which brings me up to a grand total of 18 credit hours. I definitely will be busy busy. When I was younger I planned on being a RN by the time I was 30 but you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men(I guess that includes women :) ....).

Happy Birthday Austin!!!!

Tomorrow is Austin's 11th birthday. So I figure I would get off my butt (or sit on my butt) and post a birthday wish to him. He is growing up so fast. He found out this week that he is going to be joining the gifted program at school starting in January. We are proud of him. Apparently the apple doesn't fall from the tree (or so the saying goes) because I got straight A's this quarter.

Really has it been that long???

Wow I guess it has been a while since I updated my blog. I will have to try hard to write something once a week. I start back to college on Monday. I did switch schools over the summer. It was taking forever to get to my core classes. With my new school, I am actually taking classes that pertain to nursing. WOO HOO.

New Hardtail

"MMM Tuna Flavored Shampoo my favorite!"

No pictures of it as of yet(be nice!I just got it tonight)but I got a new hardtail bike. It is a Trek 6500 WSD. What a gorgeous bike! Now I just need to crawl my butt out bed in the morning and ride it. I did a couple laps around my neighborhood on it tonight and SWEET is all I have to say. I am going to slow my hubby a couple days a week and ride with, I mean behind, him. It should be a good workout. I should have picture up in a few days. Tomorrow afternoon Austin has a birthday party to go to so it is going to be a busy day. Anyways a BIG thanks to Charles for getting the bike together for me so quickly.

"What do you want me to do dress in drag and do the hula?"

I know I haven't posted in a while but I have been busy. But the end (of the semester that is) is almost near. I couldn't resist posting this picture. The first thing that came to mind was the line from Lion King. Too Cute!

Back to Work

Well I'm getting caught up with my class work. I need to , one night this week , sit down and put together my "scrapbook" for religion class. That is one of my 7 week classes so I need to get off my butt soon and GIT-R- DONE (as Larry the cable guy would say). I also think I have a test in sociology soon . I better check on that huh? I also need to get started on my diet. Okay well I'm not really dieting just gonna exercise more and cut back back on eating so much. I normally do very good at losing weight that way. I don't deny myself anything, I just don't eat as much. Like if I want chocolate then I would have one piece of good chocolate instead of a bunch of chocolates. That way I don't feel deprived and I don't binge on something later. Please wish me luck.

In Memory Of.......

unfortunately my Aunt's husband passed away unexpectedly this Tuesday. Ron was a great guy. He loved his kids, grandkids, wife and cars. Maybe not in that order though. lol. He will be missed. My mom got down here on last Friday and Wednesday(this week) we had to drive up to Michigan (well back up in mom's case). It wasn't a bad trip, considering, the weather held up for us. We made good time and made it in 15 and 1/2 hours. Then we got to drive back yesterday. I say we like I let my mom drive. I drove up there and back. I don't know I got behind the wheel and just didn't want to give the driver's seat. It was a balmy 7 degrees out Saturday morning when we left Michigan and was told it snowed really hard today.

America's Most Wanted

Name : Cloe Houghtling AKA The Evil One
Weight: 7lbs
Height : 1' 10"
Hair Color : Brown/ Black/Orange
Eye Color : Green

Wanted for downloading Kitty Porn(Ha Ha). Do Not attempt to apprehend suspect is armed and dangerous. She may look cute and cuddly but this cat is pure evil.

Busy Busy

I know , I know now it has been more than a month since I have updated my blog. I have busy with studing for test a lot lately it seeems. I had a lecture exam in A&P, a lab test in A&P, and a take home test in American Studies all within a week or so. I am trying really hard to get my gpa up. Its not failing or anything, I just want to be really competived to get into the Nursing program. I haven't had much time to blog.
I haven't been out on my bike much (alright not at all) since my wreck out at Thompson. Just gotta wait for the Dr. 's okay. I think maybe I tore something in it when I crashed. But as soon as I can I will be back out there. While I'm not as obsessive as my hubby(yes you heard me obsessive) I do enjoy riding the trails.

Almost a month

Well I'm alive but been busy. I have been trying to keep up with classes, went to Michigan for a wedding, and oh yea trying to kill myself on my mountain bike. I decided to be betty bad ass and follow my hubby down a hill on the trails like a pro(which I'm not even close). I went airborne over the handlebars and leg first sideways (dont ask I dont know how) into a tree. I spend the last week on crutches but nothing broke! The bruises are ugly but are somewhat healing. I am stiff and sore but will live. I have my final exam in Psych. class tommarrow so keep your fingers crossed for me please. My favorite thing coming up is my music class assignment... Go to a Big and Rich concert. Whoo Hoo ! Gotta love music class.

Should have surgery more often??

I know that seems like a weird comment to make but I had two test this week and did pretty good. Or at least I think I did good on my A&P test. I have another one on Tuesday so I'll be studying this weekend. I got my pysch. test back yesterday and got a B. I have my first history test on Wednesday and also my first music test on Tuesday. So I have a busy week ahead of me. Plus getting the housecleaned for the housesitter cause we leave for MI again on Thursday. Austin was a little upset to find out that I am getting his homework for him to do while me are up there. What a rotten mom !!

Alive and Healing

I made it through surgery alive :). I'm a little sore but definately feel better. I have more movement in my hand and the pressure on the fingers is gone. I had it done on monday afternoon ,under block of course, and still went to class yesterday. I dont know if it was the smartest thing to take my pyschology test under the influence of the stuff the gave me the night before. As I mentioned I had a block done but they still gave something "to help me relax." I slept most of the night Monday. I also found out, I think, that part of the reason I get sick afterwards(duh it should have hit me sooner) is that they give me pain medication on a empty stomach. Today I will be studying for my first A&P test , please cross your fingers for me.