Quit dewlling on the past

I need to follow that really good advice. I'm miserable and I cry myself to sleep most nights wondering what I did wrong, but I really do need to quit dwelling on it. I have finally realized that I will never get the closure that I deserve from Chris. He just really doesn't care about me. No one can go from being glad we were working on things to complete and total cut from their life unless the former was all lies. I lay here every night praying for closure and for the hurting to get better. I'm sure he has no trouble sleeping. Obviously he has moved on and I need to move now. As much as I wish he would have told me he moved on, its not ever going to happen. As much as I wanted Austin, Chris and I to be a family again and to be happy that won't ever happen either. I don't know how to deal with all these mixed emotions I'm feeling. Most of the time its just sadness and I just want the pain to go away. So the best thing I can do for myself is move ahead with life continue to rebuild the future for Austin and I. I hope Austin knows that I will always be here for him and that he is the best thing in my life. He is the reason I wake up every morning. Without him I wold have thrown the towel in a long time ago. So tonight is the last night I'm allowing the tears and the misery. I plan on crying myself out of tears and tomorrow will start the don't look back process. I refuse to hold on to the hurt anymore and let it consume me.